the Wedding Day

I wish that I could take credit for it. I guided a few decisions, bought the beer, hand-picked the music for the reception, and said "I do" at the right time. Kudos, however, must go to Kat. The cakes were awesome, the food was fantastic and the tent was gorgeous. Friends and family played no minor role, either. Kat's aunt made the amazing flower arrangements, using nothing but local flora. My friend, Eliot and his wife took great pictures. Kat's friends decorated the guest book, organized tables, printed programs and teased Kat's hair for the big moment. The weather cleared a day and a half before the ceremony. The bugs kept to the outer edges of the tent. I didn't suffer any panic attacks, shakiness or hesitation.

It's really quite disgusting how smoothly it went.

It makes for a really boring blog.

UPDATE: Pictures have been posted to Flickr!

around the world and Home again...

Many thanks to Muse and Jerry for the warm words. The Deed has been done. 5,500 miles have been logged. Pictures and words are pending. It was real. It was wonderful. It was a fantastic time.

Much to do on the long (though better-lit) road ahead.

hip deep in Life

It feels like it's been weeks since I've written anything on this blog... hold on a minute. That's because I haven't.

My evenings and weekends have been chock-full of Business as I prepare for my month-long hiatus from the Cave, and the City. June 3rd is the official wedding date and June 5th is the beginning of our month-long tour of America's national parks and gas stations. Most of the big stuff for the wedding has been taken care of, so now we are in Anxious Waiting stage. Meanwhile, I am trying to teach myself the intricacies of Adobe Premiere, After Effects and Encore as I scramble to complete a wedding DVD for my friend, Eliot (the fellow who got married in Sweden last summer). So there's that, and the short story I've been knocking around for the last 4 months, and the Japanese kanji characters I was trying to teach myself as a part of another ongoing project, and the book on Mutual Funds that I checked out of the library 3 weeks ago because I wanted to learn about investing, and the copy of "Everything is Illuminated" that I've been reading on the subway to and from work, and then there's that tiny little detail of the wedding that hasn't been completed called the VOWS...

...

So, when I realized that I'd been neglecting my blog on top of all the other stuff, I decided that I HAD to take 15 minutes out of my workday (I'm sure no one will mind) and touch base... Or, I could just ramble.

digging for my Bliss

I've been running jangly for the last few weeks. I can't get a grip on anything. I destroyed my 4-month-old iPod Nano/birthday gift last week. What should have been a smooth, 'Pick up item/put item in pocket' maneuver turned into 'pick up item/try to get better grip on item/launch item across the room and under the dresser'. Last night, I lost all motor skills and got waxed in a game of Madden 2005. I became so irate, I had to stand on the fire escape in 30 degree (F) temperatures and 20 m.p.h. winds to calm myself. That took a good 15 minutes to get over a computer game.

Defeatism is in full bloom and the stench would fell a Pollyanna. I can stand outside myself and observe the irrational behavior, yet still be utterly unable to control it. My focus goes off in brilliant, red and blue fireworks as thoughts shimmer and crackle with insipiration then instantly dissolve into blackness. Mania is swinging the pendulum wide and for the first time ever, I've actually entertained the notion that, perhaps, I might need some form of medication... now, all I need is health insurance.

Of course, the City has done little to improve my mood, either. I've noticed that many of my friends have been feeling the same, anxious irritation. New York City is feeling unaffordable even for the full-timers. Many people have glanced up after a few years of earnest, nose-to-the-grindstone effort and can't figure out why they chose to move here in the first place... or why they should stay. Rents have continued to skyrocket, even in the few years I've lived here. Moving to New York has felt like drilling a well. As I start digging deeper and deeper, I fret about whether I chose the right spot and whether I should try another place. A little deeper, I start to think that if I did stop, then I'd be wasting all the time/money I've put into it. So, I throw myself into it all-the-harder, thinking that I'm just being a chicken-shit and losing my nerve. Nowadays, I'm starting to wonder whether I've just dug myself a really expensive hole to Nowhere.

For our honeymoon, Kat and I are going to roadtrip America. We've wanted to do it for years, just as an adventure. Now, it's starting to look like chance to find if there's somewhere in this country where an artist might find a way to both live and work on his art. My parents are so desperate to get us out of the City, they've eagerly offered to lend us a car and help pay for the trip. We're planning on visiting friends and relatives in Nebraska and South Dakota, then check out Colorado, Washington, California, the Southwest and who knows where else before returning the car. Kat and I were both born in Colorado so there's a part of us that thinks Colorado might be the place we'll end up, but who knows? Maybe we'll stay a bit longer and finally strike water in NYC so we can start building.

But the hole keeps getting deeper.

an Engagement with futility

Shopping in New York City can be a trying existence. It's not difficult to find midtown's 5th Avenue boutiques or Macy's down along Herald Square. Even your mainstream tourist guide can point you downtown to the discount fare at Century 21. But what about a large, healthy houseplant? Or caulk? Or affordable storage bins? Or artsy jewelry? Without deep pockets or an ideal home base in the city, finding the necessities can be a struggle. My first 6 months in New York was spent on humiliating treks to the trashy K-Marts in Penn Station and St. Mark's. Big box stores and malls were all Kat and I knew. It took months before someone told us where the flower district was or that the hole-in-the-wall hardware store carried wood putty and a pretty solid selection of kitchen utensils, or that there was a free, shuttle bus from Penn Station that could take us to the Swedish Eden in New Jersey that is named Ikea. Without such valuable knowledge, a person might wander the city for hours, without finding the Thing he/she is searching for... much as I did on Friday.

The biggest news for the last few months of my life has been my engagement. Kat and I decided, over the weekend of Halloween, to get married. The second biggest drama (ongoing) in my life is the Search for the Engagement ring. Sauron had an easier time finding the One Ring. The first two months involved a phenomenally bad attempt to have a family friend make a ring. That story is too long and necessitates a fictionalizing of the names to preserve the dignity of those involved. Let me say that it is over and done with and now, I am balanced upon a fence where I could either get a ring for Kat or forgo the whole thing and just try to get the wedding ring right. Kat says she doesn't need an engagement ring, but her eyes beg otherwise. When in doubt, Citysearch and New York Metro becomes my guide. Soon, I found a few places in the City where I hoped I might find a simple or used ring that we could afford. With a list of addresses scrawled on a piece of paper, I cast myself into the City.

Along the way, I hoped to find a cafe where I could write away from home. I didn't have any solid leads but I knew of a couple places over near NYU and figured that there had to be a place where I could sit down. My first mistake was to attempt a Multitasking operation. This rarely goes well for me. My second mistake was thinking that Citysearch or NY Metro were going to give me the low-down on anything I might possibly afford. Most places were hideously-expensive. Some, were heinously-gaudy. Others... well let's just say that Kat probably isn't looking for a skull ring, even if the rubies in the eye sockets Are real.

My third mistake, was thinking that wandering would make up for my first two mistakes. I walked from one end of the Village to the other. From SoHo to the Lower East Side to the East Village to the West Village, back to the East Village... I'm aware that there are cross-town buses in the city but I rationalized that if I walked everywhere, then I would Surely find that Perfect side street where a quaint, quiet cafe would offer me sanctuary and happen to be right above that gem-of-a-store, nestled in the basement.

On a positive note, the journey ended at a Happy Hour where cheap beer, salty snacks, and a work-weary girlfriend helped to soften the sting in my legs and the soles of my shoes.

reaping just What we sow

Why do people willingly suffer so much compromise in their lives, then Demand that their wedding day be Perfect? Can any soul recall a moment, planned months in advance, that went Just the Way they wanted it and was Perfect? If so, please e-mail me immediately. I went to a wedding last Friday that was Easily the most entertaining, free event that I've ever witnessed. For the bride and groom, it was considered a disaster. Human fallibility, once again, Conspired to bring the best-laid plans to ruin.

A year ago, poor Kat was roped into being a bridesmaid when a close friend and co-worker eagerly announced her engagement with her boyfriend. Kat hadn't been a bridesmaid and knew nothing of wedding culture so she eagerly accepted the invitation. Soon after, Kat's friend got another job and left, then came the familiar progression:

MONTH 1: 'We'll be best friends forever!'
MONTH 3: Oh, we need to do this-and-this-and-this together.'
MONTH 5: 'Ohhh... I'd love to but I've got this thing - but I'll call you!'
MONTH 8: 'Sorry I didn't get back to you in time, but I Miss You!'
MONTH 10: 'Things are crazy. Will send you an update SOON...'
MONTH 13: 'I never got that e-mail.'

Kat had a hard time watching the relationship dissolve away, as all such things do when only one person is available. As her friend became increasingly-invested in buying the Perfect Day, the process only exacerbated the situation. I am an Army brat and have endured these progressions all my life, but you never get used to it - you get clearer at spotting the stages. Kat's situation worsened as bridesmaid duties (expenses) began to mount - the dress she will never wear again, the dowdy shoes that go with nothing else she owns. Kat earnestly tried to keep positive, but when it was announced that the bachelorette party was taking place in Florida, she hesitated. When she was told that it was for only one night and the maid-of-honor tried to solicit her for group-gift money, she pulled out (working part-time and painting doesn't pay the big bucks like it used to).

On Friday afternoon, I left work early, took the 4 line down to Wall Street (the least holy site in Manhattan) and scrambled up and down side streets in search of a church. Only the wedding bells and the white silhouette of an anxious bride preparing for the big walk, pointed me in the right direction. I ducked into a side door, found an empty pew and planted myself at the end furthest from the center aisle.

The details of this wedding are incriminating-enough that I feel compelled to bury them in a piece of fiction far in the future. The previous night's festivities carried over to the wedding day festivities. Let's just say that the following events might have occurred:

groom (hung over from night before) puked During an extended, Catholic ceremony
bride swore blue fire for the next 5 hours
I enjoyed an open bar, salacious gossip, a beautiful view of Brooklyn, and a fantastic meal
bride got revenge by puking at reception
home by 11:30

Ahh... sounds perfect to me!