Why do people willingly suffer so much compromise in their lives, then Demand that their wedding day be Perfect? Can any soul recall a moment, planned months in advance, that went Just the Way they wanted it and was Perfect? If so, please e-mail me immediately. I went to a wedding last Friday that was Easily the most entertaining, free event that I've ever witnessed. For the bride and groom, it was considered a disaster. Human fallibility, once again, Conspired to bring the best-laid plans to ruin.
A year ago, poor Kat was roped into being a bridesmaid when a close friend and co-worker eagerly announced her engagement with her boyfriend. Kat hadn't been a bridesmaid and knew nothing of wedding culture so she eagerly accepted the invitation. Soon after, Kat's friend got another job and left, then came the familiar progression:
MONTH 1: 'We'll be best friends forever!'
MONTH 3: Oh, we need to do this-and-this-and-this together.'
MONTH 5: 'Ohhh... I'd love to but I've got this thing - but I'll call you!'
MONTH 8: 'Sorry I didn't get back to you in time, but I Miss You!'
MONTH 10: 'Things are crazy. Will send you an update SOON...'
MONTH 13: 'I never got that e-mail.'
Kat had a hard time watching the relationship dissolve away, as all such things do when only one person is available. As her friend became increasingly-invested in buying the Perfect Day, the process only exacerbated the situation. I am an Army brat and have endured these progressions all my life, but you never get used to it - you get clearer at spotting the stages. Kat's situation worsened as bridesmaid duties (expenses) began to mount - the dress she will never wear again, the dowdy shoes that go with nothing else she owns. Kat earnestly tried to keep positive, but when it was announced that the bachelorette party was taking place in Florida, she hesitated. When she was told that it was for only one night and the maid-of-honor tried to solicit her for group-gift money, she pulled out (working part-time and painting doesn't pay the big bucks like it used to).
On Friday afternoon, I left work early, took the 4 line down to Wall Street (the least holy site in Manhattan) and scrambled up and down side streets in search of a church. Only the wedding bells and the white silhouette of an anxious bride preparing for the big walk, pointed me in the right direction. I ducked into a side door, found an empty pew and planted myself at the end furthest from the center aisle.
The details of this wedding are incriminating-enough that I feel compelled to bury them in a piece of fiction far in the future. The previous night's festivities carried over to the wedding day festivities. Let's just say that the following events might have occurred:
groom (hung over from night before) puked During an extended, Catholic ceremony
bride swore blue fire for the next 5 hours
I enjoyed an open bar, salacious gossip, a beautiful view of Brooklyn, and a fantastic meal
bride got revenge by puking at reception
home by 11:30
Ahh... sounds perfect to me!
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4 comments:
I got married at the Palais de justice (huh, court house?). There were only a few people, our parents and respective sisters & boyfriend/husband&kids, along with my grandmother, and 3 of our friends.
The officiant was a woman who obviously loved her job. She was smiling and happy to be there. I chuckled because the music that greeted us was Pachelbel's Canons (New Agey galore! I've worked in an occult store and I've heard waaaay too many woo woo muzak renditions of this, it was just too funny that this was going to be THE tune that I'd remember forever...LOL)
I got my entire outfit (long, simple satiny skirt with one thin layer of tulle over it, white coton shirt with 3/4 length sleeves, white sandals with a chunky heel) for well under 100 $.
My sister did my hair. Her boyfriend filmed the ceremony and the small gathering after. We went to the restaurant after the wedding instead of doing a big shebang. We did order & bring an orange and marzipan vanilla cake (our favourite at a cafe where we hung out often). There was no stress, no big planning, no crazy costs.
I still got great pictures! ;) And nobody puked anywhere! LOL (ok, so I did miss out on that, I guess!)
I don't know why people put themselves into debt just to start their lives together. It doesn't make much sense to me!
I've never been a bridesmaid, though, so I dunno, maybe I'm speaking about this without knowing what I'm talking about. Maybe if I got to dress in an ugly, embarrassing dress, I'd suddenly understand the whole deal? Or better yet, if I'd had my friends dressed in them for my own wedding... *mwha-ha-ha!!!* ;)
As Kat said after the event, there's a good reason to have bridesmaids - they support you and tell you you look good and generally keep you from freaking out. At big, traditional, American weddings however, there's a whole rules of engagement that can quickly spiral into the financial black-hole of the wedding.
Weddings are a lot like funerals in that the full-time businesses can easily prey upon the emotional vulnerability of the participants. I find most of it to be a little smarmy.
Sounds like you did the marriage-thing right. If I were to do it, I think that I'd want it somewhere outdoors - maybe in an old forest or something.
Karin and I didn't do the traditional thing. To be honest, I hate traditional weddings. There's always an old aunt who wants to dance with you on the music of the obvious lame wedding band.
At our wedding everyone was welcome at the actual ceremony. My mother made Karin's dress. I bought a cheap suit. No bridesmaid.
After that we rented a bus and drove to a hotel in the middle of a forest where we stayed for an entire weekend. We only invited our closest family (sisters + family, parents and my grandparents) and a friend of mine and his wife. We had three days of fun, food and drinks, and great company.
Sure, there were some long faces of people who weren't invited, but those were exactly the people I didn't want to be there.
Our wedding went exactly like we wanted it to. No BS, no stress. I'd do it again in a second.
I love the doing it outdoors concept! (wedding, that is... *chuckles*)
I've been thinking that if my husband and I stay together and all, maybe we'll do a recommitting ceremony, a pagan handfasting, and do that outdoors. Just close friends and family, the forest, and a great big picnic!
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